Reflections on the Way to Work

On one of the last few Friday’s left in the summer I decided to leave the office early and catch the 5:53pm train home.  As usual,  I was running to catch the train and while I was approaching the track, the red lights of the train pulling out of the station were illuminating the track, signaling that I just missed making the train.   As a result, I headed over to the next train.   I was about 22 minutes early for the  scheduled 6:19pm train.  Given my arrival time I had most of the entire train to choose my seat with the exception of the other runners who also missed the 5:53pm train.  I walked to my chosen car and positioned myself comfortably in the coveted four seater with the extra leg room.   As the time grew closer to the train’s departure, more people boarded.  However, as is common during the summer, the train was less crowded with most of the seats being empty.  There was a gentleman sitting across the aisle in a 2 seater and maybe 5 other people in the cabin.  

A woman, with a ruddy complexion, short black hair with some white beginning to show gets on the train.  She was wearing beige kaki pants, navy blue t-shirt and a pink baseball cap.  She takes the seat directly opposite me and smiles.  I returned the smile.  Usually, when the train is empty, instead of sitting directly opposite, people sit diagonally across.  But given that I have my favorite seats too on the train I didn’t really make much of it.   Then she leans into me and says “do you have a few dollars you can give me.  I am going to Greenwich and don’t have enough money for my ticket.”  When she leaned into me her breath was heavy with alcohol and I became suspicious of her motives and so I said “no, I am sorry but not to worry as the conductor will take your name and address and you can mail in the payment so it won’t be a problem.”  I had my personal and work iPhones plugged into be charged and I went about my business catching up on my emails.  A short time passes and she looks at me and says “do you think the conductor will ask me for my address” and I said “absolutely, they always do.”  Again, I went about my business trying not have eye contact or engage in conversation but I felt the stare of the woman hovering over me.  It made me uncomfortable and I contemplated moving my seat but I didn’t. 

A little more time passes and the woman gets up from her seat and moves next to me.  Now, I was really uncomfortable because there were so many empty seats on the train and I wondered what her motives were for changing her seat and sitting next to me.   I unplugged my phones and put them in my bag and held onto my bags a little tighter.  She now takes out a Shape Magazine and puts it on her knee and puts a bag she was carrying in between her legs.  We sat there next to each other with an an invisible barricade that was as thick as 12 inch concrete wall.  The man across the aisle was observing the whole situation.

A few more minutes go by and a young man, around 27 takes the seat directly across from this woman in the four seater.  He has a duffle bag and a backpack and puts them both on the luggage rack.  He sits down, takes out his iPhone and then the woman, now sitting next to me says to him, “excuse me, do you have a few dollars to spare I am going to Portchester and I don’t have enough money for the ticket.”  I wondered to myself if that was the reason that she moved her seat to position herself to approach another person.   He says, “I don’t have a ticket either, I am trying to buy one on-line.”  MetroNorth just developed an on-line application to buy a train ticket.   So she says, “do you think you can buy me one.” He keeps trying to purchase the ticket and he says “well let me see if I can get a ticket on-line and don’t worry we will find a solution.”   I say to him, the “on-line application isn’t activated yet for the New Haven line” 

The woman then pulls out 3 cards – a license, a health card, and a credit/debit card.  I look over my shoulder at the picture on the license and while it resembled the woman in the seat next to me it didn’t really look like her.  I wondered if they were stolen.  She then says, “I can give you my credit card and you can use it to buy my ticket.”  (Not for anything, but she was on the train early enough to use her credit card to buy her own ticket at the station if her story was all legitimate)  He says “who are going to see in Portchester”, she said “I have family there.”  He said “are they meeting you at the train station?”  She said “I wasn’t able to get in touch with them.”  Then she proceeded to ask him what his name was.  Being nice and gracious he says, “my name is Tyler, what is your name.”  I didn’t really get her name because now I was upset this very respectful young man,  who was very nice was being hustled by this woman.  Throughout this whole ordeal Tyler and I were exchanging eye contact because we both knew what was going on.  

The train pulled out of Grand Central and it is a 10 minute ride from Grand Central to 125th Street.  During the 10 minute ride the woman takes off her pink baseball cap puts it in her bag and takes out a navy blue baseball cap and positions its on her head and spends a few minutes adjusting it.   She then leans over to Tyler and says, Tyler, it was really nice meeting you but I think I am going to get off at 125th Street.  They say goodbye, she gets up and stands by the doors and exits when we pull into 125th Street.  Luckily for both Tyler and me, it was an unsuccessful attempt to hustle some money from either one of us.

After she gets off the train, Tyler turns to me and says, “did she ask you for money too?”  I said “yes” and went through my rendition but I said “you are a lot nicer than I was.”  He said, “well I want to be respectful to all and you never know if someone is really in need or not.”  I agreed but said how you could smell the alcohol on her breath so I felt like she was trying to hustle.  He said, “yes, I wondered why she was asking for money when she had enough money to the magazine sitting on her lap.”  

Tyler asked if I would watch his bags while he used the bathroom in the next car.  When he got up, the man across the aisle, said, what a nice young man he was and we exchanged an array of complements regarding Tyler.  When Tyler came back we spoke for the whole train ride to Portchester.  He was a remarkable young man with insight beyond his age.  His father had suffered from cancer for 5 years and his Dad passed away two years ago.  You could still feel the pain, sadness, heartache and emptiness he felt.  He was going home to Massachusetts to see his Mom and then to spend a week in Maine to be a camp counselor at a camp for children between the ages of 12-18 who experienced the death of a parent.  He said he was doing it to help other children but also for himself.  He said it is so easy to get caught up in the NY scene of making money and how easy it is to lose sight of what is important and what really matters.  We spoke a lot about life and death, purpose and meaning.

I told him that his Father  (and his Mom) should be very proud of how he handled himself with the situation on the train but more importantly by the man he has become.    He is a beautiful person with great values, mature and grounded.    When we pulled into Rye, the man sitting in the opposite aisle smiled at me while Tyler was talking to me. 

I think Tyler knew he was being hustled on the train and was comforted to get confirmation that his instinct was correct.  More importantly, as Tyler was about to begin his week in Maine at the camp helping others deal with the death of a loved one, he was able to articulate and address some of his thoughts with a stranger about the death of his father, which still seemed so fragile, 

I don’t know if I will ever see Tyler on the train again as he is not a regular rider.  His girlfriend works in Stamford and he travels to Portchester periodically to pick up a car and travel north.  I know one thing for sure I will never forget Tyler as I learned so much from him about life and the meaning of life in one short ride.  I know that whatever children Tyler worked with at the camp in Maine, their lives will be enhanced by their interaction with Tyler.

For the rest of us, the lesson we can take away from Tyler is that life is short, be respectful to all and remember that there is more to life than, work, material things, fame and fortune.

 Until we meet again, I will keep Tyler in my thoughts and prayers and hope to live my life with the gentleness and respect for all that he does.